Many pastors who are also parents feel a constant tension between the relentless demands of ministry and the deep desire to spend more time with their children.All too often, this tension is not well managed and stories abound of pastors’children who end up estranged from their families, the church and God. In this article, Patricia, a pastor’s daughter was interviewed on her experiences as a pastors’ daughter.
Here is what she has to say:
PWN: What are the blessings of being a pastor’s child?
Patricia: Some of the blessings of being a pastors’kid include growing up in a Godly environment where God is the centre of everything, not been exposed to the evil of the world and always having our parent’s covering in prayers .
PWN: What are the challenges you faced as a pastor’s child?
Patricia: The church or the world’s expectation for us to be perfect. We hardly got any quality time with our parents as there were always visitors, meetings or conferences that demanded their time. We were not allowed to do certain things just because they were deemed wrong for a pastors’child to do.
PWN: Do you have any regrets for been a pastor’schild?
Patricia: No, not at all. Looking back, I am so grateful for the way we were brought up. It was protective (excessively) but it was for a good cause. Most of the girls my age ended up having kids at a young age and some have got themselves into bad situations that they regret but we were not exposed to most of these things and I am very grateful for that although at that time it felt like our parents were mean.
PWN: Is there anything you think your parents should have done better to make it more enjoyable for you?
Patricia: Yes, I would have loved it if they had spent more time with us, being more supportive to us as we faced the pressures from the church/outside world and hooked us up with other pastors’ children from different churches- just to have other kids around with something in common with us.
PWN: Can you share with us what your parents did to make the process an enjoyable one?
Patricia: Our parents at times invited us to travel with them to places where they spoke.They also made positive reference to how well we behave when they spoke at conferences and this made us realise that they were proud of u.
PWN: What advice do you have for pastors with respect to their children?
Patricia: Iwill like to advice pastors to ensure that their family comes first and that their children know that they do not have to compete with anyone for their parent’s attention because nothing or no one can ever take their place. Pastors should also realise that kids make mistakes and are struggling in some areas of life. They should be super supportive and not be focused on their reputation or what people at church think. Children look up to their parents as role models and they expect them to be doers of the word and not only preachers. They also expect to experience fun at home in addition to praying and reading the word.
I pray that as pastors’ wives who have children that we can glean from Patricia’s experience and be a model of Christ’s love to our children so that they can grow up in the way they should go.